Model Bridget Malcolm has an apology for her followers.

The Victoria’s Secret model used to advocate for “clean eating” and daily exercise on her blog, but Malcolm has since realized that she wasn’t eating nearly enough food and was overexercising, all because of her body dysmorphia.

“I would like to acknowledge and apologize for some of the things I wrote and spoke about over the past couple of years,” Malcolm, 26, wrote in a blog post on Monday. “I genuinely thought that I was doing the right thing for my health and wellness. I now know that I was completely in the depths of body dysmorphia and it really worries me that I was not a positive role model out there.”

Malcolm said that she feels guilty for declaring that she was eating “loads” of food and maintaining her slim figure when she was actually eating much less.

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Today on the blog I tackle my experiences with body dysmorphia. In each of these photos I remember looking at them and feeling sick with dread because I felt I needed to lose weight. Now I look back and feel so sorry for this scared girl. I had no weight to lose, only gain. Body weight should be objective, but it rarely is given the chance to be. If you have a question or just want to reach out, send me an email via my AMA on my blog (link in bio). So much love to you all this Monday morning ❤️❤️❤️ #idictatemyroad

A post shared by Bridget Malcolm (@bridgetmalcolm) on Mar 26, 2018 at 4:48am PDT

“When I claimed that I ate loads, I thought that I did. I would fill up on foods that were low calorie, and think that I was eating a healthy balanced diet,” she said. “I was extremely active, sometimes training 2-3 hours a day, and thought that that made me fit. But if someone offered me a piece of fruit to eat, I would become so anxious and fearful at the thought of having to eat it (something unplanned) that I would nearly be sick with worry.”

Malcolm said that a friend helped her see that she was dealing with severe body dysmorphia.

“I would eat such an extreme diet, and train so hard because I would look in the mirror and see someone who needed to lose weight looking back at me,” she said. “My best friend was staying with me once when I was at my smallest, and she was shocked at how I knew cognitively that I was small, but whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I saw excess weight that needed to come off.”

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This girl is not fat. I remember around when this photo was taken, I had been told that I needed to lose weight. Not for the first time and not for the last time. Always fun trying to act like you’re confident and happy in swimwear when you’re at war with your body… #idictatemyroad

A post shared by Bridget Malcolm (@bridgetmalcolm) on Mar 13, 2018 at 2:17pm PDT

The Australian model has since given up dieting, writing in a March 12 blog post that she feels “free” after “making peace” with her body. But she said Monday that it was a tough journey at first.

“When I made the decision to start eating again, I really struggled with dysmorphia. Because this time I really was gaining weight,” Malcolm wrote. “Nothing crazy — I threw away a few old pairs of jeans, but I am not built to be too curvy. But it was enough to give those head demons a microphone, especially since I had taken away the self soothing method I used to employ (starvation).”

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This photo was taken a few days before my first anxiety attack, and a few months before the story told in my blog post today. I was terrified I was gaining weight in this picture. I thought my arms were fat. But it was that first anxiety attack that woke me up, and forced me to start my journey towards health. Out of the problem precipitates the solution. The story today (link in bio) set me back a couple of months in my recovery. I truly hope that the women involved in my story find their peace. I can’t imagine how much pain you must be in to set out to hurt and shame another young person like that. You never know the story behind someone’s eyes. So we should always love and respect. #idictatemyroad

A post shared by Bridget Malcolm (@bridgetmalcolm) on Mar 18, 2018 at 3:24pm PDT

But Malcolm says that now, she actually likes her body, for the first time that she can remember. And she’s relieved to finally come clean.

“I am so glad that I got real with you guys. The guilt I feel at some of the things I used to recommend as healthy eating habits, truly because I believed them, makes me sick,” she said. “I want you all to know that I intend to use this platform as mindfully as possible from here on out. I do not want to make damaging recommendations anymore. I only want to speak the truth. So I intend to share with you all my good and bad days — I am no longer hiding behind the veneer of ‘clean’ eating.”